Being Considerate

I recently read somewhere that being considerate of others, especially loved ones is the best demonstration of unconditional love.

I distinctly remember being in my 30s when I first learned how to be considerate of others, as it was exemplified by a partner I was in a relationship with. He always asked if I needed anything as he was getting up to get a snack from the kitchen, or asked if I needed to use the bathroom before him.

This was a novel concept for me then. Growing up, I had learned well to be first, to win, to take as much as I could get and get the best deal, even with loved ones. I had witnessed this as the case between the adults I was growing up around, as well as the severe jeering of the so called “losers”. I learned growing up, this was the “way to love” others, to jeer and compete.

I was taught to be polite in social settings and making sure I said polite things like “after you” etc. but these were never sincere, and once home, the same jeering/competitive patterns showed up between loved ones, they were taught to me to be the “way to love”. I never panned out. Not for me, not for them, or our relationship.

Now, I keep consideration top of mind. For myself, my own self care and health, as well as for loved ones. When I ask a loved one, “would you like to me get you something from the kitchen”, or “would you like to use the bathroom first”, or “why don’t you use the oven to heat your food before me”, I realize its my way of saying “I love you”, “I want you to be comfortable”, “I am mindful of your needs”.

This considerate way of loving another and loving myself has felt the kindest and most unconditional.

What are your thoughts on this, how do you practice being considerate of your loved ones?